im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
