My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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