Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
