omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
