you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
