yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
