We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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