gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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