She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
