i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
