from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
