Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
