Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
