The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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