Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
