saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
