Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
