i love accidental penises.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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