I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
