while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
