i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize