I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
