Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
