those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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