I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
