woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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