dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
