2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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