My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
