No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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