I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
