Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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