my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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