i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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