what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
