He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
