franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
