bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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