On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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