What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
