The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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