If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
