is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
