imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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