Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize