Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Boobs are out for the taking
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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