i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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