either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize