it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
