Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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