For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
