There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
