Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
