i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
