The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
