I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
