I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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