Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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