I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
