NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
