Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
