Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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