this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
