I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
