you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What a dumb baby whore.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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