My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
