bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
