words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize