What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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