guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
