My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
