did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
