On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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