This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
