$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
