you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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